A Blissful Life 5/19/25: Have A Little Trust

There comes a point in every relationship, whether it’s with a parent, partner, child, or friend, when we are confronted with the reality that the people we love will not always make the same choices we would make. They may take a different path, live by a different rhythm, or follow a calling we don’t quite understand. In those moments, we face a decision: do we judge, or do we trust?

It’s human nature to want the best for those we love. But sometimes, in our effort to protect or “help,” we cross an invisible line. We project our own values, fears, and preferences onto someone else’s life. We start offering unsolicited advice. We withhold support because we don’t fully understand their choices. We judge, often quietly, but that energy is felt. And even when nothing is said out loud, the unspoken disapproval can hurt just as deeply.

There’s a difference between being concerned and being controlling. Between offering love and offering judgment. The question we might ask ourselves is: “Can I love and support someone, even if I don’t fully understand or agree with the way they’re living their life?”

This doesn’t mean turning a blind eye to someone harming themselves or others. Of course, if someone we love is engaging in truly self-destructive behavior, it is natural and necessary to step in with care. But far more often, the disconnect isn’t about danger– it’s about difference. They simply chose a job we wouldn’t have. They raise their child a little differently. They spend their money in a way we wouldn’t. They prioritize things we don’t personally value. And instead of stepping back and allowing them the dignity of their own journey, we insert ourselves.

Why? Because judgment can feel safer than trust. Control can feel safer than surrender. And yet, none of us want to be on the receiving end of that. We want our choices to be honored. We want to be trusted to live our lives as we see fit.

Boundaries go both ways. We often talk about setting boundaries to protect ourselves from others, but sometimes we need to recognize the boundary between our life and someone else’s life. Just because we love someone doesn’t mean we are entitled to critique or steer their every move. At some point, love asks us to step back and say, “This is your life, and I trust you to live it.”

Support doesn’t always look like agreement. Sometimes it looks like saying, “I don’t totally get it, but I believe in you.” It looks like asking questions instead of offering corrections. It means cheering someone on for making brave, intentional choices, even when they look nothing like our own.

And here’s the truth: when people feel truly supported, they’re more likely to thrive. They’re more likely to open up, to share, and to lean on us in meaningful ways. When they feel judged or scrutinized, they pull away– they hide, they become defensive, and the intimacy that we may have been hoping to preserve actually erodes under the weight of our unspoken expectations.

So the next time someone you love makes a choice that doesn’t quite line up with what you would do, pause and ask yourself: “Is this truly harmful, or is it just unfamiliar? Can I choose compassion over critique? Can I respect the boundary that their life is their own?”

To love deeply is to let go– of control, of assumptions, and of the need to be right. It’s to offer a safe space where someone can be fully themselves, not the version we imagine for them. After all, isn’t that what we want for ourselves?

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